Letting Go and Learning to Trust with Zibby Owens
Author, podcast host, and media mogul Zibby Owens shares her experiences with loss, finding love, wasting no time, and learning to trust her gut.
Show Notes:
Visit the homepage for Zibby Media, which houses a podcast, publishing platform, and other forms of media.
Listen to Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books
Learn about Mediabistro
Buy a copy of Bookends by Zibby Owens
Buy a copy of Princess Charming by Zibby Owens
Learn about the Enneagram
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00:00:03] Welcome to Here for Me: a podcast about the power of choosing yourself. I'm Nicole Christie, and I'm honored to be here with you to share life altering stories, lessons learned and advice from leading experts that will help you show up for yourself with the love, honor, compassion and encouragement you give to others. Because just as we say, “I'm here for you” to show we care for someone saying “I'm here for me” to ourselves is the best form of self-care. Today I'm talking with Zibby Owens. Zibby is a writer, podcaster, book publisher, entrepreneur and CEO. She's the author of the memoir Bookends, a Memoir of Love, Loss and Literature. The children's book Princess Charming, and the editor of two anthologies on motherhood. She's contributed to Good Morning America, Parents, Marie Claire, Redbook, The New York Times and many other publications. Zibby is also the creator and host of the award-winning daily podcast Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books where she's interviewed more than 1200 authors and surpassed 9 million downloads. In 2018, she founded Zibby Media, a privately-held media company which includes the publishing house, Zibby Books, the magazine Zibby Mag, and the Podcast Production Company and network Zibby Audio. Given all her accomplishments, as well as her warm, approachable, effervescent personality, it could be easy to see Zibby as someone who not only does it all, but has it all. Our social media-driven, highlight reel world can lead us to assume that someone as incredible as Zibby has never known pain or tragedy. But in fact, Zibby has endured tremendous loss in her life and learned hard won lessons that have helped her battle her own demons, find her authentic path, and do everything in her power to uplift others. Zibby, thank you so much for joining me on Here For Me.
[00:02:03] Zibby: Nicole, thank you for having me. This is so much fun.
[00:02:06] Nicole: It's so exciting. I want to give a little bit of background because we just recently reconnected, but you and I met 18 years ago in a writing class Media Bistro writing class in the basement of their office in Soho in New York, which I don't even know if they're still there. And then after that class, you and I formed a writers group with some other women from the class, and we were focused on personal essay and memoir. And we would meet at 71 Irving and Gramercy, which I think is now just called Irving Farm, and it's a delightful coffee shop. But I feel so honored that we've reconnected because this book, was starting, like you were at the beginning of this journey and writing about this story that is now on bookshelves and is incredible and just kudos to you.
[00:02:53] Zibby: Not exactly an overnight success here, but there you go.
[00:02:55] Nicole: But is anybody, honestly? Everyone, I think it takes decades to really write a story. And you have done such a beautiful job with Bookends and you shine through it. And it's a really beautifully-told, full picture of your life and all of the things you have been through. So I wanted to talk about your book. The subtitle is a Memoir of Love, Loss and Literature. And when you and I first met, you had already endured so much loss. And you talk about in the book. But I think when you and I met, it was like five losses in really rapid succession, including your best friend, Stacey, who passed away in the World Trade Center on 9/11. And you talk about her in Bookends as your soul mate. You also lost other close friends and family members. Since then, you've been through divorce. You've lost more people in your life. You lost your mother-in-law and grandmother in law, both to COVID, also in rapid succession. So I have to know, what have you learned about processing grief?
[00:03:49] Zibby: I know it sounds terrible when you say it all like that. It's a lot. I know. I know it is a lot. It's been over a long period of time, though. So although the first ones were all within a year, even that year is so long ago now, that was like 2001 to 2002. So at least it's further in the past. But I will say that each subsequent loss, of course, raises all of the old feelings back from wherever I buried them. So it's very easy to be triggered. And sometimes it's anniversaries and sometimes anniversaries come and go and it's fine. It's totally unpredictable. What have I learned about managing grief? I've learned similar to how you would go, I don't know, want some sort of like a boat ride or something? Like now I know what to expect. I know the ground beneath me will not be steady for a long time. I know that I have to hold on really tight, and that some days I'll get like thrown on my back and other days I'll feel fine. And yet the ground is not steady, even when I'm upright. So I think I just know that it's all coming. And even though it's different each time, I'm just like a little more prepared for the aftermath. And I don't know. I mean, how do you prepare? You really can't. I mean, a good girlfriend. I just saw a good friend of mine this morning and her father is on his final days and she's like, there is just no way around this. Like, this is what's happening and there is no way around it and there is nothing you can do other than like hug the people you love and just like, be like, all right: the only way is through.
[00:05:24] Nicole: The only way is through. And you talk a lot in the book, too, about just acceptance and not taking any days for granted. You mentioned that several times in the book where you're like, Yeah, if Stacy's death taught me anything in particular, but all the loss that you've been through, life is short. Grab it and move forward, which I think is also really beautiful.
[00:05:42] Zibby: Yeah, I mean, I literally at any moment feel like the curtain can come down. I wake up that way every day. I think about it probably too much, not like actively stewing in it, but just like, okay, got to get up, got to make the day count. I was just at this big retreat with all the authors from my publishing company and my whole team, and all of a sudden I was like, but wait, what if I die right now? What if, how, what? What if the books don't come out? What if nobody knows? I still want the books to come out and they all get canceled. And what if this and that? So I'm literally like sitting in a huge group being like, I need a will. I need to change my will to like, you know, it's like I have to allocate these funds to making sure the books come out. So I know I'm crazy, but it's anxiety mixed with a real dose of reality. I mean, once you've seen people you love, be here one minute, and I've lost people in some very sudden, tragic ways, multiple people. So I feel like, okay, you can literally be plucked from this planet with a snap of a finger.
[00:06:44] Nicole: Everything that you detail about these losses is just gut wrenching. And you talk in the book, too, about anxiety, depression issues. You talk about food, alcohol. One of the things I love about you is that you're really candid and just like I'm out there, I'm going to reveal everything about the things that I struggle with. And I love that you just framed it with the retreat that you had. How do you learn to show up for yourself as you go through these dips of life? Lots of loss, obviously, but also big good things. And we're going to talk about love in a second as well. But I just would love to learn. How have you learned to show up for yourself through that grieving process?
[00:07:21] Zibby: Yes. I have trouble with regulation. Let's just say once I get excited about something, I have trouble stopping it, whether that's good for me or not. But work now is so fun. My whole career that's evolved is all stuff that I do for pleasure. And so why would I want to ratchet it back? But of course I have to. Every couple of months I post or I write an essay about the fact that I'm not taking great care of myself. And right now I feel good, because it's been three weeks of this recommitment to a healthier lifestyle. I've gained 25lbs since I started my podcast in April of 2018, many of which were during the pandemic and beyond. But my lifestyle has really changed too. I was not so sedentary before. I wasn't working at full time job. I was racing after small children all the time.
[00:08:11] Nicole: Which is weight management and of itself.
[00:08:13] Zibby: It was actually, you know, I didn't even think about it. And I was also very conscious of working out every day and I would work out every day and then I'd be like, okay, now I'm just going to push twins across Central Park. Like, that would be a week of a workout for me, just that walk. But then I didn't even think about it. I was going, going, going. And now I'm like in this chair a lot. So it's a real effort to work out again. Although I will say I've started doing these ten-minute little videos because I'm like, okay, 10 minutes. It's something. It takes me longer to put the workout clothes on, but it's fine. I mean, I'm pretty low on my priority pole, but I'm trying not to jeopardize my health sort of back to the same thing. Like I don't want to knowingly do something that would shorten my life. And I went to some assessment once and they're like, if you have this much weight on you for a long period of time, you're actually reducing your life by a couple of years. And I'm like years. I don't even want to reduce my life by a day. Like I'm trying to prolong my life. So what am I doing to myself? So it's a struggle. Eating stuff has never been easy for me, ever. I don't want to call it a battle because that's so cliche, but I'm just not one of those people who can just eat whatever. And I'm also fine with my changing body as I've gotten older. I just want to be healthier right now. I just want to make sure I'm not doing anything to jeopardize my long-term health and anything that can jeopardize my ability to chase after grandchildren eventually or whatever. So that's I'm trying to do.
[00:09:40] Nicole: And I think it's great what you pointed out about sometimes you're pushing yourself down on the priority list because you're almost like... burning out maybe isn't the right word. But I think when people hear that people are overdoing it or burning out, that it's because they're doing something they don't want to do, that It's like stressful and toxic and a toxic job or something. But you're like, this is happening to me when I'm doing something that I love. I love the work that I'm doing, I love the company I'm building and my podcast and writing. It is kind of like, uh yeah, sometimes. Do you feel like you just have to be okay with like, I'm going to go balls to the wall and not regulate and then try to find a place of regulation where you can step off as that, maybe how you manage it?
[00:10:20] Zibby: Yeah, and I think it's also taking stock of what I should be asking for help with, which I'm really not good at, but with our Zippy Mag magazine and also the publishing house, I've been on a big hiring kick because they're growing both at the same time. And now when I have the right people in place or more people in place, it's supposed to take off some of the load. Not that I ever actually like delegating.
[00:10:48] Nicole: You're so hands on. It's not even hands on.
[00:10:51] Zibby: I'm hands on with the kids. I'm hands on with the job. I'm probably so annoying, but I have really strong ideas about how I want things. But there's so many people much better at everything and smarter than I am. So I'm trying to surround myself by all of them and accept help, even if it's my in-laws on the weekend taking a kid swimming for a couple of hours or something. I'm like, yes. Or a friend who lives around the corner. We alternate dumping our kids on each other on the weekends, and that's great too. So, you know, it's learning how to ask for help and also letting my husband in and not feeling too stressed and be like, I can't talk about it because the more I let him in, the more he has suggestions that actually really work. But sometimes I'm too stressed to listen. So when I let him in, I basically the answer is, and I think not just for me, but for so many people, the things that you need are actually kind of close and circulating all around you. It's only if you can stop the whirl or whatever that. Riders and reach your hand out.
This sounds cliche, but it's true: once you accept the help. And even now that I'm not eating sugar frenetically, my moods are more stable. So I think it's just taking that 2 seconds. Whether it's because you've hit bottom or because someone has reached you or something.
[00:12:03] Nicole: Yeah, you're being intentional. Like, wait a second, let me just give myself 2 seconds to think about what's going on and letting go. Right. You're talking about delegate like letting go because you do have such amazing ideas in your hands on and you do everything so well. I feel like talking about cliche, but so many women in particular are like, but I can do it. That doesn't mean I should do it. And I think you do a really beautiful job of leaning on your community, even if it's not when you maybe would like to earlier in the process. And I also think you're really intentional knowing you and reading the book, you're really intentional about investing in relationships. So you keep in touch with people you've known. You were talking about how the Upper East Side of New York is like a small town. You're like, I know people, I know from preschool and so many different walks of life, but I think you do a really beautiful job of investing in that community and in your family and showing love to people and throwing the doors of your house open and welcoming others. And I think that's actually a really big first step. I don't know that everybody does that to the degree you do.
[00:13:02] Zibby: Yeah, I really love that. I love hosting and welcoming.
[00:13:06] Nicole: How is that? Because I think sometimes when people think about hosting other people in their home, that it's being here for others, it feels very other focused. How is that life-giving for you and nurturing for you?
[00:13:19] Zibby: Oh my gosh, I love hosting. First of all, I don't go anywhere because I actually don't like leaving my house very much. At one point I had this therapist I was like interviewing and she was like, I feel like you're agoraphobic. And I was like, yeah, I am. I am getting to be really. It's just like a chronic thing now. I thought I was just cozy, but no, I don't like leaving my house that much. I don't like wasting time in cars traveling. I find it inefficient. So if I have people here, I can kick them out. I can be like, Och, I just hosted the Zibby Awards here on Friday night and it was great. And I did this award show to celebrate the under celebrated parts of the book and I decided to have people here instead of doing it somewhere else and I can say 6 to 8 and then it can be 815 and I can be like, good night!
[00:14:04] Nicole: Good night. Yeah. And you're like, okay, let me lean on all the things. I have kids that have to go to bed. I have something I have to do tomorrow. Lights are going down, I'm turning the AC off. It's going to get really hot here.
[00:14:14] Zibby: And I am not a night person. I get up early and my productivity probably peaks at lunch or something, but I am not my best self like a plan that starts at eight at night. I don't know what you're like in terms of night owl versus morning person, but I am not a night owl at all. So parties that started 8 or 8:30, I'm like, no, no.
[00:14:33] Nicole: No, no. I definitely was more night owl when I was younger, but then I think age just also, oh, I went to bed at two and I can't seem to sleep past six or seven, so I need to start going to bed earlier because this is not serving me anymore to be a night owl.
[00:14:46] Zibby: Kids are up early or the dog is up or I'm just up worrying or whatever. Yeah, I think having people over is great. I love spending time with people that were just not that loud. And there's this book that I read the kids like that things that fill your bucket. I feel like when I have people over it really fills my bucket because I get a dose of meaningful connection and I know it's going to be nice. Like I know it's the optimal environment for me.
[00:15:13] Nicole: It's your home. Things are the way that you want them to be too. I can relate to this as a type-A person. I know that we have the things that we're going to need for the night and that I can meet everybody's needs. Whereas like if you're somewhere else or you're out, like I don't really know what's happening. So it speaks to home bodies and it speaks to people that like to have everything in order. It's like sanity. I do want to talk to you about the opposite end of loss. So the subtitle of the book is a Memoir of Love, Loss and Literature. I have it right here because I want to read a little passage, but I think there's the opposite end of losing people, which is when life gives you a great gift, unexpectedly, perhaps, and maybe not in the package that you expected. And for you, this gift was love, specifically that of your amazing husband, Kyle. And I want to read this was the first time you kissed Kyle. And I won't go into the huge detail, but you said, “What was I doing? I had four kids. I couldn't be kissing my tennis pro in a parking lot like I was in some movie. I knew it wasn't the way that it seemed on paper. I discovered my soulmate, but still.” And that's like the end of that section. So I sensed you learning to trust your feelings and intuition, because I think situations like this can maybe make us doubt ourselves or our self-worth or our ability to receive because he was so open and loving. But I kind of sensed you were hesitating on that, maybe worrying about the expectations or what might be the right thing to do. So what was that experience like, and how did you grow from it?
[00:16:44] Zibby: Yeah, that was not the way my life was supposed to go. There is nothing that I thought would happen. Kyle and I just had this crazy connection. It's so weird, and it's been so great for both of us because not to say it's like a cosmic connection that also sounds so cheesy, but somehow the two of us together produce so much like, creativity. It's like it's this great combination that feels very, I don't know, predestined or something, but on the outside it's true. There I was like this very responsible Upper East Side mom with, like the kids lunch is packed or whatever I had to do. And, you know, bringing in the stuff for class and the teacher's gifts and just like running my life and hooking up with your tennis pro is not something that you're supposed to do that it's certainly nothing I thought I would ever be doing. And actually, Kyle is so cute. He was like, you know, being a tennis pro is such a cliche that he's like, works against me in relationships because people don't want to be like, I'm dating a tennis pro, but he's such a sweetheart. He's no longer a tennis pro and he's a movie producer and he's doing a great job. He has this fabulous film that just got an offer on and literally and I wrote this in the book and he was like, well, I think I'm going to stop doing tennis and go into the entertainment industry and like, I really want to work in film and TV. And I was like, Huh?
[00:18:04] Nicole: Like, you're like, how is that going to work? Right?
[00:18:07] Zibby: I know. And he's like, well, I think things will just unfold organically. And I was like, that's not the way life works. You have to make a plan. What's the plan? How are you going to do this? You have no experience. And he's like, no, it's all going to be okay and you know what? For him, it was all okay. And I'm like, I don't know how he does this, but he's like, It's always worse that way for me. So he just somehow does it. And it's also a lot about connections, too. He's like the consistently nicer version of me. We were doing these Enneagram tests or whatever, you know, those things.
[00:18:36] Nicole: Those are so fun!
[00:18:36] Zibby: I can't even remember what I was. But because I can be not short tempered, but like, snippy, I guess, like, you know, like when someone's late or I don't know, but he's just like, whatever, which is why he's often late. So he's like, the easygoing version without some of the agita. So it's totally changed my life in every way, and he's changed my kids lives. His attitude is so different than the one I grew up with, which is like productivity, hard work. Not to say that he doesn't work hard, he works very hard, but that everything is a means to an end. And these are the expectations, and you have to be professional in this situation. And then he just has a different take on life. And it's been incredibly positive for me to get a little dose of that in my life.
[00:19:22] Nicole: You mentioned that when you're talking with him, when you let him in to give you suggestions that he's very helpful. So how has he taught you to do that? Was that new for you like to let your guard down basically, and let somebody in? How has he helped you with that?
[00:19:37] Zibby: Yes, it took a while too. I mean, all of it took a while. I was in such a different place. Any time he would say something nice, I'm like, stop. And he's like, finally he was like, you know, you're offending me. Like, I am actually trying to give you a compliment. And this is starting to hurt my feelings.
[00:19:52] Nicole: And your not receiving is actually offensive.
[00:19:54] Zibby: And I just couldn't believe it. Even still, sometimes I'm like, is this whole thing is he just a really good actor in this whole thing? You know, we've been together for like seven years. And not to say every moment is perfect. I'm not trying to misrepresent. We have our squabbles like anybody else, but it took a while. But I've seen it working, like it works. He doesn't believe in anybody being “professional.” That sounds wrong. But like just because you have a role in your job does not mean that you're not supposed to connect as a person. And I was always like, oh no, we can't like ask this person about themselves and cross that boundary. He sees no boundaries. But it's great because I've taken my boundaries completely out. I always was open to like connection, but now I feel like I have this energy, feel like I'm connecting with everybody and some level.
[00:20:42] Nicole: It's just amazing how you've endured and then yet continued to build and find love. And speaking of that, because I want to talk about what you have built and my mind is blown. And one of the things I really loved is you're very candid in Bookends about the privilege that you have been raised with. And when you and I first met, you were struggling with that in writing your story. It was like, I don't want to talk about this. You're like, it's not who I am. And you are such an effervescent, approachable, vulnerable person. So you were like, I don't need to talk about that because I just want to be me. But I love that you did. And you were like, you know what? I just own it. Now it's out there. And one thing that you talked about was having lunch, I think, with your dad in the Spangler Cafeteria on the Harvard campus and him telling you your life is going to need to be about more than just you, and that you have a duty to give back. And you are doing so in an incredible way. So I wanted to know what that trajectory was like. How did you decide this is how I want to give back and how did you build this incredible Zibby Media empire that you have?
[00:21:49] Zibby: I think that's giving me too much credit that it was intentional. I started by just getting more involved in organizations that I cared a lot about, and I still do that. I serve on several boards and I do like to give back that way. But this is like a whole nother level here. One thing has led to another, and I just keep following what I love and it just has been more clear to me what to do at every step. Starting the podcast has been so life-changing because I've had wonderful conversations with like 1300 people, and even after the first couple hundred, I learned so much that now I want to get essays from these people, which inspired what became the magazine and my two anthologies that I did. And it's not enough that I want them to write essays. I want people to write whole books, and maybe I can help them write books and then look at all I've learned from these authors, like who else has talked to this many authors? So I think I could maybe do this better. I listen to them and I hear what authors need, and then I got the experience myself as an author. So I feel like I have this deep allegiance to authors who I've revered for so long and to readers, which I am one of because I'm a huge reader and how can I do things differently? How can I help the most people? When I started this whole thing, I was trying to sell a book. That was where it came from. I wanted to sell a collection of parenting essays called Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books. And Kyle has said to me, he's like, can you imagine what you would have missed out on if that book had sold?
[00:23:15] Nicole: Oh, I love that perspective.
[00:23:16] Zibby: He's like, that would have reached a handful of people and you would have been done. He's like, look what you've started now, like you've reached so many people because it's not just the authors, it's who's listened to all those episodes. There was a person on Twitter a year ago who was like, I listened to every single one of your podcasts and that is how I wrote my book. And then she sent me the book and now I just sold to a publisher and everything. That's incredible. And she went through and talks about how a bunch of the different episodes had really helped her, and she never thought she could do it. And it's just amazing. And I meet people everywhere I go. It gives me the chills. Everywhere I go, people are like, I feel like we're friends. And I'm like, great, we probably are. Like, I just don't know you yet. And I do have this very entrepreneurial spirit and have always had ideas, million ideas for starting things, and now they're just coming rapid fire. I mean, literally on my team called today, I was like, you guys, I accidentally just entered us into a new business line.
[00:24:11] Nicole: Like how you did it accidentally. That's awesome.
[00:24:13] Zibby: I'm just going to throw this out there and then see what happens. But it's just all seems to be unfolding in a way where it seems obvious what the next step is. And I've had so much advice against what I'm doing. At every step. People are like, Don't do this, don't do that. That's not a good idea. Don't try that. That's too hard. Don't do this. Well, this is really hard. And I'm like, hard doesn't scare me.
Like I don't get scared by hard. I work really hard. I like a challenge. I like being stressed out and working hard. I just love it. So when people are like doing an anthology's hard, I'm like, what is so hard? It's a bunch of emails and editing and managing. If I listen to all these people, don't do this, don't ask the question, What's the advice for aspiring authors? Your podcast title is too long. That's not a good title. I mean everybody. And I'm just like, nope, I'm going to do it this way.
[00:25:06] Nicole: And I'd feel like you mentioned earlier, like when you met Kyle, like his belief in things unfolding organically, you feel like you're doing that, Like that lesson you learn from him led to the podcast, led to the book, led to Bookends being published, Princess Charming being published, and Zippy Mag, I mean, you're just like, Yeah, I'm just going to walk towards it and you feel like you have a trust in yourself that maybe you didn't always.
[00:25:29] Zibby: Yes, I did. Not always at all. Right. Now I'm like in such a groove. I just feel like I'm like in a car and I'm like in drive right now, and I'm just like, until I, like, hit a wall. I'm just going to keep going full speed ahead. And I feel like everything has lined up and it's a crazy, wonderful place to be intellectually and emotionally. And the overwhelm that comes with it all is so much better than this feeling of being lost and unfulfilled and frustrated and depressed. I mean, honestly, that's the alternative. And I've been there. I've been in that place for years. So now I'm like, Yeah, I'm doing this. Yeah, I'm going to keep going.
[00:26:16] Nicole: Is it fair to say that maybe the first half of your life, I don't know if that's the right number, but part of that was you being very planful. Like you said, having a plan, being on the right track, following what seemed to be the right thing to do, but feeling unfulfilled by that. And now you're just like trusting intuition, but it's lighting you up. It's that sort of like a fair division?
[00:26:37] Zibby: Yeah, I mean, I still plan. I plan within the things.
[00:26:43] Nicole: That's awesome. So you still get to exercise that skill?
[00:26:46] Zibby: Yeah. No, I still plan a lot, but I have noticed I change a lot of plans.
[00:26:51] Nicole: But that's okay. You're still able to be like, okay, I'm still very organized and planful and productive, but the big picture is probably more where you're going with your gut and then the details where you apply that beautiful side of yourself.
[00:27:04] Zibby: Yeah, yeah, it's good. I'm very happy.
[00:27:07] Nicole: I love that. Well, and your story is a testament we touched earlier anxiety, depression were things that you managed. So now you're like, yeah, you can move forward from that. It's like two steps forward, one step back. You were saying about grief, it's not linear. So if you struggle with anxiety and depression, I do as well, like it does find you again at some point, but you learn to manage it.
[00:27:27] Zibby: No, no. I was crying like two days ago. I had a bad phone call Monday morning and it should have been like something that bothered me for the phone call. And instead I had to say I'm like so depressed all day I cannot rebound from this. And I was basically crying all day. I don't know. I mean, I'm very, very sensitive, so I'm not trying to say everything is like, let's go skip through the park.
[00:27:50] Nicole: Right. It's just part of what you learn to deal with and going with the flow. Are you better at riding that wave and just sort of letting it take you and die out?
[00:27:59] Zibby: Yeah, but like. I'm not good at writing the like. Let's just go anywhere for dinner. I'm particular.
[00:28:07] Nicole: I find sometimes it's two steps forward, one step back, sometimes it's two steps forward, two steps back, sit down, cry, sit in it for a while, and just be like, Yeah, I'm in a really awful place and you know that it will pass. Maybe that's the wisdom of the experience for me. Really heavy anxiety just can be overcoming, and sometimes you just have to let it take you for a second.
[00:28:28] Zibby: There is one day I had so much going on and my team was downstairs and I was like, I think I might be about to have a heart attack. It was in my chest. It was probably like a panic attack or whatever, but I was just like, I cannot breathe. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I cannot do this.
[00:28:42] Nicole: What do you do in those moments?
[00:28:45] Zibby: I just said, I think I'm going to have a heart attack. And then I went in my room and kept working and I went in and did another podcast or something because I still do like 7 to 10 a week. I just keep moving and keep doing.
[00:28:56] Nicole: But I think that awareness is good. I know I didn't always have that. I didn't always have the awareness of what was happening and I would look outside of myself to even explain it. And now you can just go feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. Super overwhelmed, anxious, have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. That doesn't change. But maybe we weren't always able to name it.
[00:29:13] Zibby: And also I really was like, I need help. I need just help with some of this. I don't know what the answer is, but I can't do this on myself.
[00:29:21] Nicole: Yeah. And trusting that other people can take that load and run with it is huge. I want to ask you one more thing. Of everything that you've been through, and we've talked about love and loss in particular because you touch on that in Bookends. But what has been most pivotal in helping you step into your power and choose yourself and what does that look like for you?
[00:29:39] Zibby: I feel like at this point I have the wind in my sails, so to speak. All these people I feel like are rooting for me, and I feel that this collective push. So I'm not just doing this for me. There's so many people I'm doing this for. So that's what I think about in any area, whether it's I'm trying intermittent fasting guys or if I'm reading this book or whatever it is, people are responding to it. So I almost feel this obligation. To keep sharing and it helps me and it helps other people. So I guess that's what I always say to myself when I'm debating what to do or if I should move forward with something. Is it’s just like it's going to help somebody out there, even if it's one person, it's worth it.
[00:30:24] Nicole: I think being of service can be a way that you show up for yourself as well. Giving back is giving to yourself. I think that's really beautiful.
[00:30:35] Zibby: Thank you so much.
[00:30:37] Nicole: It was an absolute joy to talk with Zibby about love, loss and the pendulum swing of being here for ourselves. One of the things I've always loved about Zibby is that she's fully herself. She knows her triggers, her vices and that she's not going to get it right all the time when it comes to self-care. But she's committed to the journey. Here are my favorite bits of Zibby wisdom from our conversation:
The things you need are close and circulating all around you. The people who love you, the support you need. It's all right there. As Zibby said, just taking 2 seconds to stop the whirl and think about what you're feeling and what you need can help you reach out and right yourself when you're going off the rails.
Trust that you know what's best for you. Zibby shared that she's accomplished so much by ignoring a lot of wisdom from well-meaning people that what she was doing was too hard, couldn't be done. That her podcast title was too long. All sorts of well-intentioned advice that would have led her astray... Had she listened.
Find the right mix of having a plan and letting go. As Zibby has learned, trust your gut on the big picture. Let your heart pull you toward a vision, a goal, your purpose, rather than allowing outside influences to dictate that for you. Then, get detailed on the plan that will get you there.
And that's a wrap on the first season of Here For Me. We'll be back with season two in the New Year. But for now, thank you so much for listening, rating, and reviewing the show. And to all of you who reached out to say these stories have moved, you made you think, and even make big pivots in your life. Many of you have shared with me that they've helped you leave jobs, relationships and other circumstances that weren't serving you as well as seek therapy and ask for help. I'm honored to have played even a small role in helping you step into your power. And I also want to remind you that that power was always within you. So if this podcast was the hang glider you needed to realize you would soar when you took the leap. It's my great honor to have given you that push.
Here for me is produced by Lens Group Media in association with Tulla Productions. My deepest gratitude goes out to Zibby Owens and all our guests this season for sharing their stories and themselves and to the people I am blessed to work with in bringing this show to life: Dave Nelson Stacy Harris, Amy Kugler, Amy Senftleben and Amanda McGonigal. If you'd like what you hear, please follow here for me and leave us a review. Until next season, I'm Nicole Christie. Thank you so much for listening. Here's to you being here for you and to the power of choosing yourself.